I have learnt a lt this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think it should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones. This year wasn't always pretty. It wasn't always comfortable. Some things and situations even break your heart. But that's okay. The journey changes you - it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness and on your heart. You take something with you, and hopefully also leave some things behind. I will forever remain humble because I know I could have less. And I will always be grateful because I know I've had less.
"Be Still." Two words. Constant and always present. Having morning coffee, I hear it: "Be Still." Swimming in the clear blue ocean. Walking on snow white sand. Watching a Fiery red sunset. "Be Still." Fellowshipping with people who have become family. Listening to music, old and new. Feeling the presence of God.
We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place. We stay there even though we go away, and there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there. Kenya is such a place. It is truly like Narnia. There is something beautiful about Kenya that is thousands of years old. Too old to be truly captured by poems and songs. Loved by everyone, loved so very deeply. Kenya is everything real in a world of make believe. But even though I left some part of me behind, I also found a part of myself whom I thought was missing. I found her at a lookout point overlooking the breathtakingly beautiful plains of Massaailand. And I couldn't help thinking and knowing that I serve a God who makes the most beautiful things. We serve a God who loves us so much that He would come down to feel what we feel, to experience what we experience and even gave up His life to leave a part of Himself behind to always stay and be with us. This love, I have found, is not passive, it is never disengaged, it is always present and it hangs on every word we say. His love keeps promises, it keeps its word, it honors what is sacred and its vows are good. This love is not broken, it is not insecure, it is never selfish and is always pure. He is a good good father and He truly does not give His heart in pieces. He gives it unconditionally without is having to do anything to gain it. He loves us not only because but He also loves us despite. That is a love that conquers. He shows us this love not only in big things but in the small events of everyday life. He shows it in 14 hour roller coaster bus rides, cramped taxi game drives, swimming in breathtaking rivers, 24 hour campfires, hippo pool hikes, walking with the Massaai, worship sessions, packages from home, starry starry nights, footscrubbing sessions, nutella chapatis, heart key charms, rural house visits, tea cans, very fast bike rides, wind in your hair, Mika, laughter and so much more. So much love I do not have enough pockets to out it in. Kenya, you will forever be one of my most favorite places on earth. Home away from home. You showed me true humility and servanthood. Nothing I have I can call mine because it belongs to the one who knows the number of hairs on my head. Kenya showed me what family in Christ means and showed me firsthand what James meant when he encourages us to rejoice in suffering and to worship in trials. Tough times really do show us that we should always hold on to Jesus. God is good all the time. Keep holding on to Jesus even if the world around you shakes. Kenya You have taught me gratefulness, and if we are true in the small things, God will be true in the big things. Life is more enjoyable and even more beautiful when we hold on to Jesus. He knows what is good. If this is what it means to sit at the feet of Jesus then I will stay here forever. Jesus is everything. His love is everything. May God bless your nation and His people for you have blessed me with a gift that I can never lose. Staring at the beauty of our King. May peace and grace be yours forever. Asante sana Kenya! x x x
Why do we make life so complicated? Why do we so easily make mountains out of mere ant hills? It is not supposed to be this difficult and I dare say it is rather tiring to worry about everything all the time. My stay in Egypt these past two weeks has been a time of growth and transformation. Firstly I would like to mention that all the pictures I have seen, all the history that I have read and heard throughout my years of study about this wonderful place, I could have never imagined it to be so glorious in person. It was like being in a dream. The biggest lesson however, I learned was at a spiritual oasis called Anaphora. It certainly lived up to it's name. I do not know wether it was the stillness and tranquility, the flowers, or the lack of connectivity to the outside world and everything in between which made it such a wonderful place but I have come to the conclusion that wherever there is peace there is freedom. There is so much peace and tranquility there, you just want to remain there forever. It is a place to recharge and renew your mind end even your soul. It is where you feel God in the stillness. I know that He is good. The nuns, whom we call sisters, are beautiful and inspiring. They have so much patience and love, the fruits of the spirit are ever present in everything they do. The other volunteers especially from Sweden and France have stolen a piece of my heart which I will never want back. They have changed my life. Our stay at Anafora will always be longed for in the future to come. God had some things to reveal to me. He has been constantly and slowly moulding my mind and heart to become more like His and pursuing me with a love that conquers every fear. I am learning to love people I do not always like, I am learning to be content with what I have, to be quiet and still and to trust in His timing, for His favor will always come. I received a revelation specifically about the heart and where it is pointing to. In Proverbs 4: 23 it says: "Keep thy heart with all diligence, for it determines the course of your life." What is so significant about our entire time in Egypt is that this verse came alive to me through Egyptian mythology. In Egyptian mythology there is a god called Anubis. He guards the gate to the underworld. The Ancient Egyptians believed that when you died, you travelled to the Hall of the Dead. There Anubis weighed your heart against the feather of Ma'at. Ma'at, the goddess of justice sits on top of the scales to make sure that the weighing is carried out properly. If your heart was lighter than the feather, you lived for ever. If your heart was heavier than the feather then it was eaten by the demon Ammit, the Destroyer. The message is quite direct and clear. Our hearts determine the course of our life. If our hearts are set on the wrong course and it is filled with the wrong intentions, it is going to be complicated and difficult. But if it is set on God we can be more than conquerers in even the most trying times. "The boundaries in our lives are determined by what goes on in our hearts."- Brian Houston In other words we do not need to strive for others attention or validation to make us feel better about ourselves. This is not what our hearts should be set on. It should be set on Jesus. The only one who is worthy enough to give opinion and validation. Our hearts determine the course of our life. If it is set on Jesus then it does not matter what our circumstances are or what others say, when we keep our eyes focussed on the one who is love and and the source of peace, we need never to look down but only up. I have gained a peace in my heart which I never want to lose. Because I know my God is already in front of me preparing the way. Anafora, I will always carry our time together in my heart. You have taught my heart to rest in His embrace and to be still and know. He is God and He will always be there to pick me up when I fall.
Boom! Woke up at 00:00 am 13 April Wednesday, first 9 hour sleep I have had in a long time! So now I have time until I go get my emergency sertificate ... oh, the lady at the embassy WatsApped me to say it is ready. Quess like I am coming home! So after a while I read Living Water, and this constant seeking of hope just after Jesus gave me full hope and preace must stop! I have become soft and complain to fast when I feel like the precence of God is not with me, but little do I know God remains even if I go to the middle of the sea. So yesterday I felt like I made a mistake when a Jew asked me who do I think Jesus was. I said He is the Son of God, the Messiah, but his question was is Jesus God and I thought I did not confessed the Son before man by not just saying yes. But now I have read Living water chapter 12 page 121-129 and there Brother Yun brings up a passage from the Bible 1 John 5:4-5 that says, "You shall overcome the world if you believe Jesus is the Son of God" ... why am I troubled, O man ! So after a while on facebook I quickly became bored and started reading Bible again, 2 Kings 16-18. Chapter 16:17-18 is a prophetic lesson of what happens when we walk in any Heathen ways. Our flow of living waters will be cut of and we shall be removed from the strenth that once rested on us and thrown on the ground. Our rest that was once build in will be removed as well as our entrance to God will be blocked. Then 2 Kings 18:19-37 is also prophetic as to the extent of where a fals promised land shall be offered to us, but as Hezekiah refused to take it and hold on to God's promise for us, so we should be! For then the Angel of the Lord shall slay our enemys that are encamped around us as He did for the Judeans. After my reading I thought of the conversations I had yesterday and one was with a Jew where he said how can Jesus be God if he is man and therefore I replied with, why does David then say we are gods in Psalm 82:6? and also if Jesus then is the Son of God then it is confirmed with this scripture, Genisis 1:26-27 where God says lets create man in Our image then God goes further by saying ," So man was created in the image of God." Therefore confirming the trinity as God the Father ,The Son and Holy Spirit is one and all in one vessel that is and was Jesus. So let us rejoice in this, that we are gods as David writes in Psalm 82:6 because that means we are as Jesus, Sons and Daughters of God. So I wanted to tell a Jewish man of the truth and I just found one, but this one I wanted to share with did not understand English. Then some security ladys heard me trying to bring testimony of Jesus so they started asking me security questions and asked of my passport, that I lost! Not long after speaking with them a security man came to me and also asked questions then he took me to security where they checked my bags and I just tried to show God's love! So after a while the man left and I packed my bags and asked the man in front of me, "Do you believe?" ... his answer was no and also to me for asking if I can convince him, but I just said Jesus loves you and thank you for searching my bags so thoroughly. God gave me a moment to be a walking testimony and I shall do my best to share the Gospel today with someone that is Jewish. So after that at like 04:46 am I watched a teaching from Todd White, "It's not about you!" Obviously I was going to continue in trying to sow some seed after that, but it feels like I am trying to be someone els than myself ... but the teaching states it's not about me ... God shall show me a time and place as I move when to share, I don't need to fight myself a way open, but when He does then I fight. So I found Estib, an awesome man at the South African Embassy in Tel Aviv, again and shared with him my story of the day before where I talked to a Jew about Jesus. Estib is really cool, Jesus loves him so much, then they brought me breakfast and coffee I did not come with an expectation of getting it, but I knew I was getting breakfast here. So now I am waiting for Lizelle and Estib at the Embassy because I want to speak to them. Then in a blink of an eye he returned with a piece of paper and 100 shekels! And while he was giving this to me I was giving testimony to Lizelle of what God had done so far. Then after she gave me my emergency sertificate, I shared God's heart with her ... and man! How people need to hear this reality, "I love you, you're special to Me and beyond any worldly prize." I also shared other things of His heart and then she gave me a hug and in her hug I could feel peace and thankfulness. Man God loves people! From there on I spend the whole day just sharing love and enjoying people's conversations. Obviously He was sending people my way to love, for as I entered the airport I met a South African family in greate need of help so I helped them to the elevator where they had no choice, but to listen to my testimony of providence from the Lord. For the first time in ages I truly know what it means to share the Gospel, "It is not to convince people of God, but to convince people of Love!"