Please note that this blog was created on 28 July 2017
“I see those tears in your eyes… My love there’s no need to hide, just let me love you when your heart is tired!” song lyrics from Alan Walkers new song called Tired. These lyrics played a important role in my life this past few weeks (28 Jul. 2017) and (truth be told) helped me realize what Dad is trying to tell me. So with these lyrics in your mind and the fact that God will never let you down enjoy number 11 and I pray that God will come and show something New about Him to you as reader (actually as a CHILD OF GOD, but you get what I mean)
Ok, so here we are back in SA with the mindset of debriefing the first half of the journey not really being aware that Dad is going to come and teach me a VERY important lesson in this time. Just to give a summary of the situation I was in: I lost my heart for South - America (especially Brazil) I lost my heart for the team and well I kind off lost my heart for this entire year, I literally felt dead (emotionally not physically otherwise I wouldn’t be able to post this blog today) and I hated that feeling. I was also not searching for God once so ever and I started to feel ashamed and convicted, but didn’t know how to handle it and I didn’t know who to go to (which was part of God’s plan all the time). Think that it can’t get worse? Well just keep on reading and see how God worked.
So here we are at the campsite getting input from the leaders and it was such brilliant lessons, it’s just that I wasn’t in the place to listen and most of the time missed everything (it’s bad I know, very bad). In this time where it’s feeling like I’m not receiving anything from anyone spiritually I started to think that God definitely does not want to talk to me for some other reason (yes, you may think it’s the same old cliche story, but just keep on reading) and so I just start to get sadder and sadder and the more I am realizing that I am sad the more I get angry at myself and at Dad. So then I will be this stuck-up guy who doesn’t want to talk to God anymore oblivious (a BIG word for a Afrikaans guy but I got it) to the fact that God has a plan with this so called “problem” I am in.
At this stage you would most likely think that I’m a lost cause and that I wished my worries would wash into the sea. Well you’re 100% correct I was all of those things to the world, BUT not to Dad. So the one night we will praise and worship, but I will not. NO,NO, I will go outside and argue with God and tell Him that He is just like any other dad who at one stage will disappoint me. Little did I know that God had me exactly where He wanted me. The following night I was at rock bottom and was like: “Dad, I’m sorry and that I want to start over and get a new beginning.” What did Dad do? Well, He just gave me peace and the following day renewed my heart completely. I found my joy in Him and I found my heart for my team, South America, music and the rest of the year.
Now read those lyrics again. Did you read it? Good, because now it will all make sense. God is the one saying those words and that is ALWAYS His heart. God wants to love you and (technically) will always love you no matter what. When you feel tired and like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, guess what…GOD WANTS TO LOVE YOU AND HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.