For King and Country has a song and the lyrics goes as follow: To every soul locked in a cage in the prison of your past mistakes there is no time left to waste, you can make a great escape. We were made to run wild.
This pretty much describes the past 19 years of my life. Fear has made its way into the deepest parts of my heart. Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of missing out. And a deep seeking of acceptance. Before Global I never realized how much emotional weight I have been carrying striving to be 'something', but lately I have been so aware of it. Running from my past, fearing, as ridiculous as it sounds, that my weakness and sin is keeping me from experiencing God in His fullness. My desire to take a year in missions was to get to know God as my Father. Although I have heard it countless times, I still walked with so much fear and ended up putting myself and God in a box.
Before Luke 10 I told God that I don't want to be the same person as I wasbefore. When you ask God something bold, don't be surprised when he does it. For the first time in my life I allowed God to meet me where I am rather than trying to get to where I think He wants me. At the same time being vulnerable and honest with both myself and God about what is going on in my heart. Throughout the ten days God revealed lies that I have been believing for far to long. He spoke new words and identity over me as He revealed more of Himself through his word and his people.
And trust me when I say that God did not deal with all of my broken pieces at once and I definitely do not trust God completely like I would like to. But I am learning how to walk in my identity.
I have found a new freedom.
A dangerous freedom that God gives when we say yes to having a relationship with Him. You don't have to be something or do something. Jesus did everything on the cross. We are blameless and guilt free before God. All we have to do is accept the invitation..
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15