In Australia I was very challenged with the matter of where I find my identity. What makes up a person's personality? Is it the music you listen to or you fashion choices? Your likes and dislikes and what you have strong opinions over? Where you stand in social circles and the trend you fall under? Is it what others would sum you up as or what they point out? Is it their enjoyment of you or their trust in you?
God is a good Father, but not only in a way we understand. He is a upside down God. His ways are not ours and they are mysterious. He is the type of Father that stripped me of all things I thought made me, during the time I least wanted it.
I believe that every insecurity, that eventually leads to offense, comes from a place where we do not know how much we mean to God.
He is a God that would take away our beauty to reveal to us the true beauty of Him inside of us.
Philipians 3: 3
For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh.
And when the choice was finally set before me "are you going to give me your rights?" I started to question whether It could be possible to just live a simple, happy self-centered life. It seemed like the better option.
I don't think we understand what we are saying when we ask God to use us. Are we really willing to be used by any means to glorify Him? Be that like Job or David?
Have we really counted the cost?
The fact that many have done so obviously means that there is something in these sacrifices that we don't understand. When you look with the eternal perspective it is an honor to give everything to God. The sweet obedience.
Melissa Helser's song, cage less bird just speaks so beautifully about our inability to be free by our own means.
"Standing on the shore of decision, looking into the face of adventure
Desire to abandon all I know
What pushes me is rooted somewhere between misunderstanding and knowing.
Knowing that what I want to understand is not within my reach,
So I ponder my escape,
Not knowing what lies ahead.
Adventure in theory is,
Is full of excitement
And bleeds with passion for life
Adventure in reality is full of breathless moments, silent nights, and wounds that leaves scars of memories on a heart.
Can I go the distance?
Can I give all my mind to get what the messenger is saying?
Can I surrender my knowing?
Will I survive the humility of ignorance to obtain a treasure that earthly gold can not buy?
Will I ask the question of honesty, even if the answer leads me to a land of repentance.
Then he says I am coming for you."
I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven.
It is then that He says to me that He will change form to be closer to me. And in an Italian accent He calls me "manjefico!!"
Like a girl would overly be herself when she is texting her new boyf, because she knows he is sitting and waiting to enjoy whatever she sends. That is where I am "finding myself" ( bleeh clichè). I want to overly be myself, because Jesus tipped my chin and said He can handle me. Then He serenaded me and took me on an adventure. When Jesus is there you don't think about your insecurities anymore, because He is so stunning you just want to show Him everything and He wants to see you.