Every time we need You, we are met by love.

We have joy and peace because we know there is a reason and a good ending. The ending is already written down.. That there is no ending. Of this small life, yes, but of my soul no.

So the reason people are unhappy is because they feel their stories are boring, they make no difference in the world, their future is unsure, fear of death. All of these things are fears.

Perfect love casts out these fears, because perfect love had the grace upon us to open our eyes to see the big picture. It casts out fear because it gains our trust and what better place for my future to be, but in the hands of all controlling Christ.

Perfect love ensured that there will be no end to my life, and that in every situation, good and bad, I am not alone and there is a star breathing creator softly whispering encouragements in my ears, saying :" I Am here. I think you are amazing. Don't do that, because I know the plans I have for you and they are amazing! You will love them, because I know you... I know exactly what you need and is capable of and what you will love! Don't step out of my perfect plan for your life.

And so when He has gained our trust, we will stop fighting it and He will pick me up and do the rest. When He is in charge magic happens. The beautiful reason for my existence is entirely fulfilled and my heart is content.

Nobody said it was easy ( be honest.. Did you sing it?) and it probably won't be. I mean when I look at my team. A Lot of us had it bad for a long time. But for me personally, it was worth it. Yes He is in control and yes He loves me and He knows what I can handle. And now I can be thankful for my past, because now I can honestly say to people who has gone through the same stuff that your joy will be found in Father.

I realized now that it's not a massive slap of laughter, or a peaceful wind blowing over my nerves. It is the knowing that I am invincible. There is nothing that could happen to me in this life, that would take me away from heaven, or from the encouraging voice in my ear saying He has made me strong enough to handle this. And He doesn't lie so how can I not believe Him. Walking in His will is the most amazing feeling. It is pure joy. Not easy... But good.

I grew up basically brain dead. I shut off and had no sparks going. Had little interests and hated people. Wanted to become a game ranger and live alone.

So fast forwarding to two years ago when something happened.
I had realized I hated God. I thought He was untrustworthy and what He allowed was unforgivable. For me He was not a good Father and He did not care.

He revealed to me how pathetic I felt and How I blamed Him. Strange tactic is it not? "Hey look... You actually hate me and this is why"
And somehow I had experienced something else. He gave me a glimpse of what peace would be like when I'd forgive Him. I don't know how, but i knew my happiness depended on it.

Now naturally I wasn't going to let Him of the hook that easily... So i suffered for a few more weeks until one night when such healing took place. Somebody acknowledged what had happened to me and she apologized for not helping me. I had no idea my anger went so deep. I forgave her and the next morning I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

I've heard that when you eat poisons mushrooms ( drugs) it is like seeing color for the first time. That is an understatement for the experience i had the next day. I woke up, excited to know anything and had during the night gotten interested in my family. I saw beauty for the first time. I literally cried when I marveled a naartjie. I was excited, because I now had a future, I could take part in discussions, I could think about anything and I felt the presence of my encourager right there. Once in a weed induced state I was talking to a friend about how ugly life is. I was going through a rough patch again and felt futile. As I described to my friend the useless meaning of life ( so deep) I saw a dark spiral connected at the bottom and top and turning, but it was grey. And all of a sudden vibrant color sprung into the turning spiral and from the bottom up it lit it up. He showed me, in that state, what life with Him is like. And it is so true. And you won't know it until you see it.

Life with Him is joyful, because there is peace in knowing "I am sorted out" it is a car crash, but knowing you have the best insurance so you going into it head first.

I am reading the coolest book "A million miles in a thousand years" and he talks about living a good story ( if they created a movie about your life, would it be good) probably not if you were like me. Fear robs you from a good story. For example I would love to dance in the rain, in the streets, whenever music is on, whenever music is not playing. My mother would always ask me what beat was playing in my mind now? And I am just too scared of embarrassment to enjoy myself.
Last night it happened. God asked me to stay last during a worship and I danced with Him in full confidence. It is such an amazing feeling when you open up yourself beyond what you knew and receive the purest of love in return. I feel like He opened up a new person. He blew in my garden and awoke new life!

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Pure grace stricken joy. If that makes sense?
Team life in Macedonia

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