I have changed. Changing even still. I remember sitting inches from the television realizing with relief that I missed yet another day. Afraid that the day would indeed hold as little as I'd expected. I could not stand being proved right. I would not survive the knowing that life did indeed have as little to offer as I've imagined. So I'd rather not. Not go for that walk, not smell those roses, not dance in the rain, not drive all the way to the top and look at the lights. I'd rather live with the fantasy that those things are the goal. They are what life is about. And so I kept them, subconsciously knowing that they too are as empty as my young vessel.
I knew that they were just the only image I had of freedom. Freedom into joy and contentment.
But when I met You. Oh my Sweet, You have made life sweet. You filled the vessel and so another dimension, the one I was seeking, opened up before me. I still have not danced in the rain, but even the wind now brings pleasure . I will still have that dance with You, until then I will enjoy everything about You. Luckily You are everywhere. Thank You for life, my Life. It will never stop, for There is nothing else
There is nothing else!
Now that I have received not even a half portion of Life, I am so filled with a vibrant excitement! The boring chase from one high to the next has been weighed and found wanting. Now I climb the high from one extraordinarily humbling awakening to the next! I want to cry, laugh and scream all at once. The King has chosen me to be His bride. By design, I please Him. Even in the scruffy parts, I am adored by Love. I mean the intricate levels of love that has not yet been discovered by this devouring world. My Love, My Sweet, My King. Even if by force, I could not turn my face from You. There is nothing else! The rest is so painfully dull.