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To overcome

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At the end of our stay in a country we are given questions to answer. These questions usually go along the lines of what did you think, how did you feel, etc. The purpose is for true reflection to take place and so that everything isn't internalised. This is called debriefing and I admit that it's really empowering. In Benin, a small West African country, we've each been given the task of writing a blog. It's a good thing since I'm also overdue on writing a blog anyway. But, and here's the reason for this explanation, this isn't just any old blog. It has to be about what I have overcome this year. I didn't say debriefing is always fun...
Without getting too spiritual, what does it mean to overcome one self? Can we ever truly overcome ourselves? I believe it is a state of being where you no longer place yourself first. As soon as a person realises that it is not about yourself and that in fact you can't do it by yourself, then you're on your way to overcoming yourself.
 
Through this year, by the grace of God, I've been placed on the road to overcome myself. This is quite a bold statement, arrogant even. The old me would have stated it out of arrogance... I have come to realise that my reasons for doing a year expedition with Global Challenge were initially selfish at heart. I believe that this was quite transparent to some, yet surprisingly I was obliged.
Here I was literally running away from my past. A broken relationship, the girl who I thought I'd marry ended up hating me. My father's untimely death that I refused to process. My career of being a firefighter was a dream come true that turned into a nightmare. Addiction, smoking cannabis on a daily basis, my form of self medication to ignore my depression and so much more. I was a failure and in the end I also failed with my attempted suicide. I believe any sane minded person would run from such a past. Like many know and everyone eventually learn, some things can't be run from. 
 
From the onset of this year I knew I would 'overcome' but never in my wildest dreams could I have foretold what this would entail. My life's mantra has always been all or nothing. Mediocrity, being luke warm and indeference was how I placed myself on the path to self destruction. A few things to overcome this year included my shame of my past, my selfishness, my self contempt, my self reliance, my self doubt, in short my old self. These abstracts weren't what I was or am but they were what I used to base myself off ofSure, my past doesn't define me anymore but what will I build my future on?
 
This year has been inexplicable and yet it's so simple. A concentrated dose of God's love. Even though I have sometimes only allowed myself to experience things collaterally. In ministration there was no way that I could withstand this OD of love. God was out to get me and it would cost me my life.
 
Now I can and will proudly declare that I died to my old self. Only through Jesus and what He has done can I be reborn. He has made me able to overcome. The question beckons, will I ever wholly overcome myself and my human nature? I don't know how much time has been allotted neither or how much is needed.
But I'll be damned if I'm not giving it my all!
I cling to God's promises.
I believe.
10 Romans 11-13
The message Bible: 
Scripture reassures us, "No one who trusts God like this—heart and soul—will ever regret it." It's exactly the same no matter what a person's religious background may be: the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. "Everyone who calls, 'Help, God!' gets help."
Blog posted from Cotonou, Benin View larger map
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Dancing with my Father

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Lord, You are standing in front of me, with Your hand stretched out to me, asking

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Freedom!!!

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Whats one thing I've overcome this year?

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No Longer Slaves

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This year has been a journey of victories. One such victory is finally finding my identity in Christ. This sounds quite elemental. And it is; but it is also a huge victory that I celebrate.

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TIRED

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Please note that this blog was created on 28 July 2017

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At the beginning of this year I got a prophecy by Uncle Joe. He said he sensed that I was one who has dug the trenches, has been in the trenches and fought the battle from the trenches, but the Lord said it is time to get out of the trenches. To go up and over and into the battle with the Lord, and that the Lord will win the battle on my behalf because the battle belongs to the Lord.

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When I met Jesus

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I decided to do a global journey because Jesus was not a priority in my life anymore. He became a back up plan for when things were not going right in my life and that needed to change.

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Family - it's a lifestyle

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This year...this team...this journey
I recalled watching the story of Rend Collective Experiment's new album.
 
"What we've learned is that faith is all about risk and adventure. Those who make a difference in the world is risk takers. We as a church are never meant to be a timid and huddled up club looking for safety but a pilgrim family in progress of chasing after the wild lion heart of God. The Holy Spirit moves the most when we move out of our comfort zones and into the world where the need is great and where we can build the Kingdom."
 
"We are not meant to be alone...the only self sufficient man that ever lived was Jesus and He chose to live, travel and minister in community. He knew that the joys of friends and brotherhood far outshone the pains of conflict and betrayal." 
 
"Like Israel God leads us out of our chains and into the promises He has prepared. Even though we are overwhelmed with the giants in our way and the lies that the enemy tells us we have to hold on to the truth that there is no higher and no one stronger than Jesus. And in His name every mountain will move and every giant will fall. 
We are called family of God for a reason. It was at a great cost that we became sons and daughters of the King most high. Yet it seems easier to push each other away than to stay committed and connected. Forgiveness and grace is far more important than who is right or who is wrong. The Kingdom of God is about moving forward in unity and standing shoulder to shoulder together through our best and our worst times."
 
" Let's be a celebrated family whether it is raining or pure sunshine. We need to go out into the wide unknown. We need to trust that nothing is impossible with God. The Bible speaks about a dynamic group of adventurerers stepping out into the unknown with the fearlessness of faith. We were never intended to go on this journey alone but was given to each other as family and as family we will go."
- As family we go album story
 
This spoke loudly with me and it was shared in our team. As family we went on this yourney. A group of diverse and unique individuals I believe destined by the Lord to come together and go on this journey together...so that His name can be lifted high.
 
Being on journey I've been wondering whether I would've ever had the experiences and revelations that I've had in this time. I've concluded that I would not have been where I am now if it was not for the people I'm journeying with. We learn together and learn from each other...each coming from a different background but each coming with a heart of seeking His truth and His heart for us and the nations. We all stepped out in faith and is continuing in faith. This I believe the Lord wants for us right now and right here.
 
It is quickly that we can become comfortable and can be content with what we have. Unless we make a conscious effort to step out every day we would be stagnant. I think in general I do like change since I know that I can become comfortable quickly. I prayed that the Lord will allow me to grow and that I may come closer to Him. He promises that when we draw close to Him He will draw close to us (James4:8). And then He provides in order for my wildest dream to come true for me to go on an adventure such as this. Only He can know the reasons for doing so. But I believe this is an investment for my very being...and the calling that He has on my life. I only needed to be obedient to come and have to continue being obedient to His call so that I can receive what He has in store for me. This is true for everyone on my team.
 
Going on this journey is not only about the ministry points and learning and applying there but it is about the team. It is about the team work and about learning together and struggling together and sharing together and loving together. It is about the body of Christ each having it's role that the other does not have and together glorifying His name. We were all created uniquely and can add to the body what the Lord has given us.
 
We support each other through our troubles when we pray and search with each other. We understand since we are in it together. We encourage each other to step out since we know that that is where growth happens. We have the fearlessness of faith and we trust that with the Lord nothing is impossible. What a privilege to be able to do this!! The risk always seems larger in the beginning than what it really is when you look back...I trust that the outcome far outshines the risk.
 
Take the leap of faith...the One who created you has a plan and a purpose. I pray for everyone to have community to share and grow with...amen!
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Living Stones

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This one goes out to the world changers, shining their light in the face of danger. A word that God has given our team this year is to focus on the living stones. His bride, his people. People through whom he is making the impossible happen in the nations.
Our team had an incredible time and we were sad as the first half of our journey came to an end. We laughed, we cried and we faced many challenges, but most of all we got to be a part of what God is doing in the churches all over the world.
 
In Jordan we saw Jesus’s heart for people. Thousands of Muslims are seeking refuge in Jordan and they are being received with open arms by the church. Although they have experienced great loss and suffering, the war in Syria has opened a door for the Gospel to be shared in the homes of refugee families. Muslims are meeting a man dressed in white in their dreams and many are coming to Christ in miraculous ways.
 
In Palestine we met a family who is being persecuted by their relatives because they have chosen to follow Jesus. We lived with Coptic nuns who give their time to meet the needs of the poor and helpless. The Good Hope School extends a helping hand to the young people who are considered as outcasts, to help them realise their dreams and potential.
 
In Jerusalem people from different countries flocked to the Old City for passover. We evangelised alongside Tony, a pastor who spent his days distributing bibles in the streets of Jerusalem. Sadly Tony passed away in a car accident on a mission trip in Iraq. The ministry he left behind is still going strong. The church is not only reaching out to Jews but to all nations. We saw a Chinese man fall to the ground to read his New Testament, where in his own country it is illegal to own a bible.
 
Kosovo is a country that has been exposed to years of conflict and the people still experience the repurcussions of war. Conflict between Serbians and Albanians is still very real. After the refugee crisis many UN organizations withdrew their support. Nevertheless, a group of missionary families stayed behind and regardless of the spiritual oppression they face they continue to selflessly serve the local church. They are committed to see people reconciled and see them experience the freedom God gives through His Son.
 
God opend doors for our team in Turkey to spend time with Turkish believers who face real danger because of their faith. In spite of it all God is equiping young people through student movements in Cyprus and raising them up to become leaders with a desire to see His kingdom come. The church is creating a platform through English Club, soup kitchens and prayer walks for Muslims and atheist to speak about Jesus. The church in Turkey is being persecuted and there is no freedom to share the Gospel openly, but they have faith to see the nation changed.
 
We ended our journey Russia and our team split up to serve on different Christian kids camps. It was beautiful to see how children are being discipled and raised up as true servant leaders who look to God as their source. God has chosen leaders, that through their examples the children get to see the Father’s heart. The church in Russia experience oppression and face many challenges. More laws are being put in place to resrict Christians. Although the consequences of overstepping those laws are threatening the church is more alive than ever, reaching out to different people groups in Syberia and Mongolia.
 
In our country, in the midst of mass poverty and political strife over a million people took a stand and prayed for our nation.
 
All over the world God is busy preparing His bride for her Kings return. God is calling young people to step out in faith into the face of danger. More people in the nations are experiencing the freedom and victory that the gospel brings. These are people who have found the treasure of heaven and who live radical lives to see others walk in freedom with Jesus. The good news is that we are a part of those radical Christians who love relentlessly and who’s servant hearts are without limitations. The only qeustion is...
 
How far will you go?
 
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Aliens

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If you are bored, I carry good news! You have not yet discovered it.

Do you find yourself compromising good to find excitement at your expense? Secretly you must know you are not from here?
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What I have always dreamt of...

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I have always wanted to change the world!

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A collection of stories

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THE CALLING

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Soo yeah here I am with number 10 and it’s been quite a while since my last blog, but that is fine because God had to work first in me about a few things before the next blog can be put up and I must say it was quite a ride up to this point. So with this new blog I pray that Papa will come and show His power, grace, LOVE and faithfulness to you whiles’t reading this blog. So keep calm and read on ( I know, not the best one liners, but it’s fine ).

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A painfully beautuful interdependance.

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This kind of life is challenging me to the point of action. I am in awe of how I am so often humbled. Just when I think I know what life is about, I am reminded of my inability to live as I so believe I should, as well as my total ignorance. To live in a interdependant community with the core value of loving one another to life is very hard. We are called to pick up our cross daily, and we expect it to be comfortable. 
 
This is where the magic of the upside-down Kingdom is giving me hope of some undiscovered freedom (for me at least), where when you have given everything and loved in every situation ( a very painful duty) you find the true life. 
Love suffers long and is kind... and all those beautiful attributes I have always looked upon as cute. The type of stuff that are mostly hung up on the walls of Vrystaters or pasted on bumpers of fancy cars.
 
 
"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S.Lewis
 
Shane Clairborne says in his book THE IRRESISTIBLE REVOLUTION, after leaving his comfortable living and choosing to live amongst lepers in Calcutta for a couple of weeks.
"I learned from lepers that leprosy is a disease of numbness. The contagion numbs the skin and the nerves can no longer feel as the body wastes away. In fact, the way it was detected was by rubbing a feather across the skin, and if the person could not feel it, they were diagnosed with the illness. To treat it, we could dig out or dissect the scarred tissue until the person could feel again. As I left Calcutta, it occurred to me that I was returning back to a land of lepers, a land of people who had forgotten how to feel, to laugh, to cry, an land haunted by numbness. Could we learn to feel again?"
 
What gives me hope is that I cannot love. I too am screaming for acceptance, recognition and a deep understanding love, that knows my heart and enjoys it. And that is exactly what Jesus is offering to me. To step into His love, daily. To renounce every lie I have ever believed of myself and to believe His truth. That I am made in His image to Glorify Him.
 
 It is when I step into His covering that I discover inner peace. The screaming stops and I can ease into the powerfully tender love, that loves me even in my darkest place. That is when I could start experiencing the sweet need to give this normal-life-threatening love to those I see screaming. I can start loving, because He has first loved me.
 
Mary could effortlessly flow into Martha, because her strength comes from a bottomless source. She is fulfilled to the point of overflow. This has become such a stale saying without true understanding. 
 
Being an intern for an extremely serving community, has quickly forced me to start understanding this. The guilt of using God faded away, because He called me to tap into His endless supply. 
 
In this book, THE IRRESISTIBLE REVOLUTION, he also speaks of our stealing away from the opportunities for miracles. Jesus fed the masses with a handful of food, because there was no food. He had the opportunity to turn water into wine, because there was no more wine. We are so secured by money that we never let Him feed us and thanking Him for our paid-for-food has become somewhat stale.
 
To my great relief, I am starting to realize to fall full force into being loved by The Lover, seeing the need in my neighbor and loving does not necessarily have to be massive. It could be small deeds with massive love. I just have to make peace with It that I am not going to be a big deal or going to do big things. Challenged with the upside-down- last-will-be-first-thing.
 
 
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A glimpse of the collatoral beauty.

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I have changed. Changing even still. I remember sitting inches from the television realizing with relief that I missed yet another day. Afraid that the day would indeed hold as little as I'd expected. I could not stand being proved right. I would not survive the knowing that life did indeed have as little to offer as I've imagined. So I'd rather not. Not go for that walk, not smell those roses, not dance in the rain, not drive all the way to the top and look at the lights. I'd rather live with the fantasy that those things are the goal. They are what life is about. And so I kept them, subconsciously knowing that they too are as empty as my young vessel.

 
I knew that they were just the only image I had of freedom. Freedom into joy and contentment. 
 
But when I met You. Oh my Sweet, You have made life sweet. You filled the vessel and so another dimension, the one I was seeking, opened up before me. I still have not danced in the rain, but even the wind now brings pleasure . I will still have that dance with You, until then I will enjoy everything about You. Luckily You are everywhere. Thank You for life, my Life. It will never stop,  for There is nothing else
 
There is nothing else!
Now that I have received not even a half portion of Life, I am so filled with a vibrant excitement! The boring chase from one high to the next has been weighed and found wanting. Now I climb the high from one extraordinarily humbling awakening to the next! I want to cry, laugh and scream all at once. The King has chosen me to be His bride. By design, I please Him. Even in the scruffy parts,  I am adored by Love. I mean the intricate levels of love that has not yet been discovered by this devouring world. My Love, My Sweet, My King. Even if by force, I could not turn my face from You. There is nothing else! The rest is so painfully dull.
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Learning to love differences. 

 
I always took a lot of pride in believing I was a supporter of diversity. I have only now started realizing how deep the differences lay and how often we are offended, reason being this ignorance.
 
We did a temperament test a while a go, that changed my perception sooo much! 
 On that note,
 
Oh how I've learnt to love oblivion. One of the Love's sweetest way of loving us is to humble us. "There is in fact more to life than you know" 
 
There is more to hope for. Once again I am found wanting. A sweet need to discover another side of His reality, one learns to love so easily. 
 
Back to the point,
 
When I realized that my way of manipulating people is in fact not at all their way of doing so. And so when I judge them, actually I am pointing out something that I would do. Eish that hurt! Turns out I judge a lot and most of all myself.
 
And so, yes people should actually treat you how they'd like to be treated which is not how you would like to be treated. So for that to work out we need to be living out of fulfillment in Christ. It is just making more and more sense to me how, yes we can do all things through Him. But we can do nothing of worth ( in eternal perspective, nothing) without Him.
 
I cannot love my neighbor, because even if they were whole and treating me with love, their idea of it is different and offense is bound to happen. 
 
James 3:18 
You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results, only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with honor and dignity. 
 
Even the great James struggled to like people. Liking people is actually quite hard, because they push our buttons. They do not love us the way we were created to be loved. I mean obviously I am the main character and I need to be adored. 
 
The call of dying to myself is deepening every time I feel like I got it now. And so the humbling happens, and it sucks but also its so great ( in a months time or so) to be exposed to more magic. More Jesus magic. His ways are so very different to anything we know and so I have somehow in some kind of masochistic ( for all the critical lollies out there.. you'll probably get it) way started enjoying noticing dead flesh (human/loveless moments), because it means I have now a space where Jesus will bring life.
 
He makes all things beautiful and new. So He directs me to see death, I cluelessly point at it and look at Him knowing His being part of this makes it pop up into life. Nothing He touches can stay dead. It is just impossible. 
I have wandered off a bit. 
 
To wrap it up (I think), people don't mean to be bad and when you see something that upsets you, it is probably something you would do to upset a person. Judging has really put me in my place. 
 
I think people might treat us they way they think they deserved to be treated, which are cool indicator to us how to love them.
 
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You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other with honor and dignity. -James 3:18

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Oh how I've learnt to love oblivion. One of The Love's sweetest way of loving us is to humble us. "There is in fact more to life than you know" 

 
There is more to hope for. Once again I am found wanting. A sweet need to discover another side of His reality, one learns to love so easily. 
 
This is how I understand it so don't quote me. We are all made in God's image, but then sin gave us a heart of stone. Whenever conviction takes place, a new manner of thinking is introduced to you. The Kingdom manner of thinking. And so your heart becomes more flesh. Whenever a humbling takes place, stone is being chipped away, until one day when we stand face to face with LIFE, and our hearts start beating.
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Fireworks in the desert

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I know people speak about "a dessert season" in their spiritual life, I did not think I would ever experience it and now that I am in that season I even thought it would be different, bad in a way.
Let me put it like this.
In a dessert everything looks the same. Every sand hill looks like the one you just passed. The sun and heat is so unbearing that you don't feel anything after a while. After a few hours you just stumble around and fall short not knowing what you are doing.
With me I have a few stars to guide the way. And it feels like I am even appropriately dressed for this. You know real dessert cloths, truth, righteousness,love,
Fear has no hold on me because I know I was called to this dessert and that He who has called me will never take a step backwards when I am moving in His direction.
My dessert has an oasis. The key to the door is red, shaped in the form of prayer. The best way to the door is a 100 steps up and then to your left. It's not like the living water kind of vibes though. More just like drops of heaven falling on you to keep you going.
It's not a bad season its just like I misplaced my overflowing cup and lost my song. I am learning here guys! I will appreciate his tangible present more. I am learning how to run with perseverance even though my lips are dried out and I have blisters on my feet after the last thousand kilometers I just roamed.
I get to meet people along the way some of them have their overflowing cups with them and others don't even have a cup yet. I love both types of fellow dessert dwellers.
I sometimes get these thoughts on "where is He? Where is my living water and my daily bread? Why can I not find Him" Just to find my helmet of righteousness, protecting my thoughts, is falling off because of the sweat rolling down my brow. It's like a sickness I am sweating out. Getting rid of all baggage and extra weight .
But through all of this I get to witness fireworks in people who recieve cups for the first time. In a dessert. Far from what I know.
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Sometimes the birds need to leave the nest, well not just sometimes. It is a given. Birds are bound to fly, soar and poop on people to make their day interesting. Jeffrey's is like a nest for me, not in a passive "safe" way, it was just the place where I could grow and now it's time for them to kick me out of the nest.
 
Flying, doing what I was called for and learning how to use what is given to me, like my wings. Leaving a birth place, the place where missions was born in me, is difficult sometimes but I know staying will turn into a comfort zone. Ain't nobody got time for that. Experts say that birds have excellent memory. I will never forget you guys. I was challenged and molded in this time. But I was not only surrounded with the arms of my Father but also with great amazing birds... eagles, that have flown all over the world and around my heart.
 
You can take the bird out of the nest but you can never take the nest out of the bird. I do not think that I could ever make such a big impact on them like they did on me. Jeffreys Bay's Nest - topia was a journey that I am so thankful for. Was it hard? Yes. Did I want to go home? More then once. Did I make friends? No I made family.
 
Abba really romanced me, and whispered His truth and love into my heart. He told me who I am, what I was made for and that I am adopted into His care. The ransom was paid for me. He equipped me and once again took me to a place where I needed to die to self, again and again and then serve.
 
Sometimes it felt like a cutting of the wings when it was more like a grooming, exercising and growing process. I am thankful for this nest this journey and that I felt like I belonged.
 
A bird always returns to its nest. See you soon  Jbay.
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My worth?

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As I stood knee deep in the Picific Ocean of Thailand I asked the Father for a new revelation of the cross. God answered in an unexpected way by speaking words of identity and encouragement over me, leading me to write the following:

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Daily Dependence

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Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done. 

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The Mystery

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Jesus is the mystery.

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UNITED IN CHRIST

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So yeah, I’m back with yet another blog and I’m personally very excited for this blog. It was something I never really thought of and when I really sat down and talked to God about this, it was like a HUGE revelation (I know there is a lot of them). I pray that Jesus will once again talk to you more and more throughout this blog and that this will also be a revelation to all of you reading this blog.So the topic for this blog is UNITED IN CHRIST and I know, we all heard that term a lot, but let us look past the overused term and let us go deeper into what that term really means.

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Beautiful Israel

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First, we went to Bethlehem.

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Sounds the call to come together...

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Thought on fasting

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I can't believe it went by so fast. Last weekend we were at the Bloemfontein prayer meeting where over one MILLION people came together to pray for South Africa. What a amazing experience. You could feel the unity! But it doesn't stop there. We need to become a praying nation. We need to keep praying for our country. Fighting the battle on our knees.

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In awe of Him

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Angus heard God's heart and acted apon it, calling a nation to stand together. The 22nd of April was the prayer meeting in bloemfontein where 1.7 million people attended and I had the immense privilege to be one of them.

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Waiting on Him

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Nadine bloemWhen I look around me I see a crowd of people. A rainbow nation from everywhere seeking one perpose. To pray to God to save our nation.

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Meeting Daniel before a road trip

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Bloemfontein2

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Global Challenge Expeditions Trust
Registration Number: 066-651-NPO
Street Address: 11 Tulip Street, Jeffreys Bay, 6330, South Africa
Postal Address: PO Box 1064, Jeffreys Bay, 6330

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